Sometimes you just have to go for it...............

It may seem as if I've fallen off the face of the earth the way my blogging has gone. I've been trying to catch up and for last year  I just need to write about Christmas but life is still going on and I have tons to blog about for this year. Just being behind on my blogging has made me not want to write anything at all.... but today I felt like I needed to get some of my thoughts out even tho I haven't written about Christmas, or our birthdays... or Sarah and my road trip to Arizona, or the fun times I've had playing scrabble with my parents, or those special moments when I've gotten even closer to Jim, or my kids... or planting gardens or well life in general.
Today I thought I would just blog about my thoughts the last little while. I've been struggling with being happy, oh I'm happy for the most part, but struggling none the less. I have a job... but not one that makes me happy, sometimes it seems to suck the life right out of me..... I have a nice home, Lovely yard, and my family makes me happy so I wonder why I'm not happy??? Maybe it's because my kids are grown and living lives of there own... and I used to live my life for them. I've always been a working mom but tried to spend every other moment of my life for them and my husband. Now that their gone sometimes I"m bored. I sit on the couch like a slug and don't want to do anything and I don't really have to. This was especially easy while Jim was taking his on line class.... which he got done with and now has his Bachelor's degree. Yay for JIM! I"m proud of him.
I've tried to be happy at my job, it pays pretty good, has good insurance and if my kids needed help well, I was able to help.... but I have felt smothered lately..... I've tried going on walks around Jensen's grove to help my mood, which it did for a while... I've tried exercise... I've tried ignoring some of the things about my job that bother me.... I've tried everything.....
Then I had a meltdown at work.... I came home and cried my eyes out and I realized something.... I'm a people person... not the kind of person that likes to sit in a corner and type on a computer all day... I'm happiest around people and helping people and talking to people I don't even know...that's what I liked about working in the Bakery at Albertson's for 18 some odd years..... I remember talking to a lady about a cake once and she started laughing and said I better go have a piece before I drooled.... LOL. I liked giving little kids cookies... I liked giving people warm chocolate chip cookies to try when they came out of the oven .... I like making people happy and feel comfortable....and like well... like they matter. And then I had a thought...why not go back to beauty school...I know I know... beauty school has nothing to do with handing out cookies at a bakery but continue reading......
I remember doing my dolls hair my whole younger life at home.... I loved feathering it...I always wondered why my barbies had frizzled hair while my sisters barbies looked like they just came out of the box. I had dolls that hair grew when you pushed their belly buttons... I would braid their hair over and over again sometimes figuring out how many little braids that I could make then braid again and again until I ended up with one big short fat braid. I had dolls and little 'easy curl' rollers that I'd do hair on and make look like fluffy Farah Fawcett curls.... I had a doll head that was made for doing hair and practicing make up on... which eventually ended up with a short boy cut bob with fingernail polish permanent makeup.....oh the memories. I liked doing hair on my dolls because my hair was always so curly I couldn't do anything with it other than the ringlets my mom would curl around her fingers... or an afro..... I often would imagine I was a princess with long hair to my knees and was the envy of all the other girls.... and the prince's would fight over me.
But anyway.. that was the heart of my grade school age self....
I've decided to do it... I'll go back to beauty school so I can help people with their hair... and let them escape and pamper themselves for a moment in their busy lives.... I might even have cookies at the counter for them to eat while under the hair dryer... and we'll talk about life or watch tv or I'll play lovely music while their getting their hair done.....
Sometimes when I'm extra blue or tired from work just doing the dishes while listening to beautiful music.... lately I have LOVED instrumental music with Cello's and violins...it  makes my heart soar..... one day I looked out the window at my beautiful yard and just listened to the music... and there in the sky was a hawk... just soaring around  in my view ... it was grand... Moments like that make me realize there is a Heavenly Father that loves and listens to our heart felt prayers and those little moments are his way of telling you that you are loved, and He's made these beautiful moments just for you.... and life can go on. And you will get through the next day and the next... because that is life.
So for now, I have decided to change my life and see where it takes me.... I'm going to school in September, it will be scary and it will be hard, but I hope my dreams will come true, I will be able to help ladies escape their life and feel better about them selves and yes... maybe even enjoy a cookie now and then, because what happens at the beauty salon....stays at the beauty salon.....
And that is what my thoughts have been lately... and I"m going to be brave and make my dreams come true. And I know I can with earnest prayers and faith..... I can do anything :)